Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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