I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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