She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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