I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's the barista slut.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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