Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
