She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
