I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
