You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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