At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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