What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Come on in and take your pants off
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