I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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