you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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