Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
