Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
