I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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