Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
