i may or may not be watching the land before time
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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