I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
