You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
