dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
