Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize