he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
