you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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