I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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