I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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