you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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