Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Terrible idea I love it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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