Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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