I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
