i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
