i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
