the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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