There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I love you. Go after that dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
