I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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