I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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