Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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