it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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