What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
