Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you win again, gameday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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