help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
