last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
