Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
