you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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