I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
