Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We need to get me chipped asap
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
