And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we're making bets on your personal life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
