I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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