WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
