What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
