Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
