from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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