thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
