You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
