Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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