Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
