DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
