I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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