Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
