Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
