I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
