so that wasnt chicken after all
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize