oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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