and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
