obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize