Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
