Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
