i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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