Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
