I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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