Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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