i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need moral support for this bender
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
