nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
