some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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