So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
