your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
operation harelip BJ is a go
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
