I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
