Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
