I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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