Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
