I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
